Category: Dating and Relationships
Maybe I've building up to it for a while (in my head) or maybe I haven't, but sometimes when it comes time to ask if me and a girl I'm interested in can hang out they occasionally suggest that I go somewhere with them and their friends. "Dahh, OK!" I say, not realizing that their friends will give them a cushion of security, not to mention a group of people who all share the same inside jokes and can easily push a nosey jerk of an outsider like me away. Is there a way to handle this without sliding into the background? Instinct tells me that she's trying to make me a friend, especially when she bales on the one date I made with her and NO ONE ELSE. Even if that opportunity has passed I'd still like to hear your thoughts for the future. If a girl is interested you in a romantic or sexual way, will she suggest you hang out with her *and* her friends or is it, as I've often suspected, just a waste of time?
Asking me to meet you at work is also strange. I walk to the office, hear you talking. "Should I heedlessly bust in, risking interuption?" I think to myself as I awkwardly hover around the office's entrance, continuing to listen for clues of what kind of conversation you're having. "Well... no I don't think I'm going to take that risk. I have to get to work myself. I sure hope you didn't see me standing outside like a statue, because I sure as shit couldn't see what you were doing or who you were talking to."
If you don't think these two scenarios have anything in common let me know and I'll spawn a separate topic. Personally, I think they do.
Sometimes, if you don't know the person all that well, at least for me, I'd like to meet a guy with someone else that I know. I dunno, it's kindda scary meeting a guy for the first time, unless you know him very well, and you talk a lot. If I meet someone I know well enough, it's ok, but if I'm meeting someone that I've only talked to a few times, then I just wanna make sure that I'm going to be safe I guess. Amazingly, the guys that I have dated weren't jerks and try to do anything bad to me thank god. But I think sometimes, that might be one reason why girls do that, at least I know it is for me. But other times, maybe they're trying to analyze you in person to. Just to make sure who you say you really are. That might be another reason. I'm really not sure. I don't know what girls think since some of my friends think the same way I do, and others don't, but they don't talk to me about these things. So I can only give a few suggestions, I hope this works. It's not that the shy girls are saying that they don't wanna be with you if they meet you with someone else, they just wanna make sure that you're not some sicko off the street and that if you stay with her at her house, that you won't take advantage of her or anything and you both can be ok and happy. The world is just a scary place sometimes, but if you're a good guy, I know that you'll have a good girl in time. Sorry for repeating myself. Sometimes it's hard to get the point across and sometimes I repeat myself a little, but if other people have suggestions, that would help to.
Bring your own friend along to wing man and distract the other girls.
Sometimes women just want you to pass the friend test.. If her friends aprove, and you get along with them, then you're good to go.
As for the work thing, meet the girl after work, have some drinks, don't be so negative.
And yes, a wingman is also nice. You work on your girl and he works on the others.
I agree with Songbird83 sometimes when i first meet a guy, i don't feel comfortable being alone with him in a public place. So i'll bring a friend along to make it easier on me. Trust me, give her some time to feel comfortable with u and you'll be alone with her in no time. As for u meeting her at the office, for me that's a no no! I would never want my dates to meet me at my workplace or me meet them at their workplace. That's a little awkward in my opinion.
Thanks guys.
The lunch thing: don't know if it'd've been polite or possible to invite a friend as she invited me specifically. (it was a lunch at the place where she chose to have lunch regularly that semester; I had never been there before and thus she had friends) Wingmen are cool though; that is they sound like a useful and potentially effective solution to that nagging problem of the female hive. I usually do most of my socializing alone (I roll 1 deep for better or for worse; if I enter a party with a crew we automagically disperse. Can't find them again without going "scuse me, have you seen so-and-so?" maybe starting up a little comotion.)
I was asked to meet people at work several times... speciflically asked. I wouldn't want to do it myself. Probably should've expressed that more clearly - why would I want to meet you where you're obligated to be occupied with something else? Whatever... it's not impossible as I've recently found out.
The friend test? Please tell me this isn't true. OK... so that was a little melodramatic but that just grosses me out. I know guys who wouldn't be seen with a woman if she wasn't physically attractive enough. Most of my friends don't know shit about the women I like, and that's fine with me because I do. I've no need to have someone else aprove of who I'm interested in. Of course this only means that this particular type of person was someone who wants her friends to like you before she can. Maybe... maybe not. Of course this lunch thing happened a year ago and she was interested in someone else at the time (likely so as they started dating a couple of weeks later). Whatever... talking too much again and probably revealing all sorts of tasty morsels. I'm a "nice guy," a little neurotic and a lot obsessive, but overall a "nice guy." I'll find a girl some day (joking pointless board-topics aside). Every pot has a lid. The world is an obsticle course to me... "I could never do what you do every day. you're so brave. God bless you."